Podcast – Face Time vs Screen Time: Helping kids with an electronic-digital balance

The DFR Podcast team discusses and gives tools for Helping our kids balance digital devices in their lives.

Podcast #65: Face Time vs. Screen Time – Helping Kids Achieve Electronic-Digital Balance



Originally posted on HERE on the DFR site.


For more info follow these links:

6 Step guide to Social Media Introduction for you children

Dr. Dave’s Cell Phone Sanity, a Graduated System for Cell Phone Introduction

Filters for every device in your home – There is a need for all devices in your home to be filtered. This article also gives names of sites and programs that will help you monitor text messages, Instagram and Facebook accounts if you find the need.

The Three Layered Approach to Internet Security– The how to and why’s of the filters listed above.

iPod Safety in 3 steps

rTribe – The Recovery Tool for Porn Addiction



The Powerful Porn Addiction Recovery Tool


rTribe is a Porn Addiction Recovery app that helps in incredible ways.

rTribe will help you:

  1. Become self-aware
  2. Use your phone for positive things
  3. Connect with a community of people that can support you
  4. Become excited and even a little addicted to staying clean
  5. Be encouraged daily with scripture and inspirational quotes



Porn Addiction Recovery Tool: Always on Guard and what that looks like

Porn Addiction Recovery Tool: Always on Guard and what that looks like


Often we have trouble understanding what it means to always be on Guard. (1 Cor. 16:13) When in recovery it’s easy to get complacent and feel good when temptation is low and we feel like “it must be over” but in reality we need to constantly be aware of our state of mind and heart. I believe the Incredible Hulk has a good lesson for us to learn and implement related to exactly this.

For more recovery tools follow these links:

Imagine the End

Taking Every Thought Captive

Accountability: More than just “don’t do that”

The Corn Field of our Brains and what putting up fences looks like

Porn is our reminder of our need for Jesus

Youth Leaders supporting Teens through porn addiction


6 Results of Two Porn Addicts Dating Each Other

6 Problems with Two Porn Addicts Dating Each Other

The epidemic of porn use is causing untold amounts of damage to our culture, and in our ministry we particularly see the damage it causes in marriages. We counsel couples regularly that are struggling with one or the other’s involvement in pornography.


This is one of the reasons that we encourage people to ask those that they are dating about both their opinion of porn, and whether or not porn is or has been an issue in their lives. Of course, it isn’t quite as simple given the nature of our tendency to lie and even underestimate the potential of addiction when it comes to porn and it impacts the brain, but regardless, interaction and discussion around the topic is pretty vital. In fact, increasingly research is finding that the issue doesn’t only need to be addressed with men, but women as well. Statistics are suggesting up to 20% of women are using porn in today’s culture, and the numbers aren’t less in the church.


It occurred to me though, that there is a slight problem with this suggestion. From the perspective of someone using porn, as much as you might want to be honest and open about your struggle, having someone of the opposite sex admit to having the same struggle is actually not very safe.


Usually, at least in today’s culture, someone using or avoiding using porn hasn’t done the necessary steps to getting help and stopping their addiction. I’m working with this as my premise as I describe the following potential thought processes and dangers.


It’s much like a drug addict finding someone else who is a drug addict. Some of the things listed have elements that are good, but projected toward someone you are dating almost always turns bad. The processing in their minds can include any number of different things including:


1. Relief; finally someone who understands what I’m going through.


2. Release from shame/secrecy; I won’t have to be afraid of their finding out.


3. Companionship/co-dependency; I’m not alone, we can work through this together.


4. Permission giving/enabling; “If you struggle I won’t get mad as long as you don’t get mad at me if I do”.


5. Intimacy/sex; when talking about sex and sexual experiences regularly, the conversation leads to regularly thinking about sex with the person they are in a relationship with, it also provides a sense of intimacy that has never been found before. The potential result is for this kind of conversation and shared struggle to result in a sexual relationship because neither person has felt free or loved or without shame enough to speak of it to someone else.


And the biggest potential problem is this one:


6. Fantasy fulfillment; hidden deep in the recesses of the mind and heart of a porn/sex addict is a carnal dream that maybe; just maybe they can find someone who likes it too. That all of the fantasies and things they have seen in porn might actually be reality and all they have to do is find that someone who is just like porn says they will be. Finding someone like this confirms deep inside of them that the things they believe about sex and sexuality are true, that what they have been taught by porn is not in fact a lie. It’s an opportunity for them to embrace their problem rather than confront it.


So, yes you should find out what the person you are dating believes about porn, after all a tremendous number of people, Christians included, seem to have adopted the lie that porn doesn’t hurt anyone and is permissible. Research is increasingly proving the Bible right in that porn destroys relationship and damages us physically, mentally and emotionally.


When you share, be cautious about how much you share with that person, find out what they believe and what their experience was, and then encourage each other to pursue greater levels of help and freedom instead of sharing every nitty gritty detail with each other. Encourage speaking with pastors, counsellors and going to support groups. And do NOT make each other accountable or the only people you share your struggle with. The dangers are real and terribly hurtful for your future relationship, whether it be with each other, or whoever God leads you to in the future.


Oh, and for the record, couples who decide that they do like porn and want to watch it together, eventually do find it incredibly damaging and hurtful. It’s dehumanizing and something deeply personal and intimate is removed from the experience. So don’t kid yourself, the fantasy you have about finding someone else who is like “minded” (which is really just sharing in your shame) will hurt you personally when you realise they don’t actually want or need you in the room at all.


Follow this link to find 6 Steps to Freedom From Porn

Do You Use Music or Does Music Use You?

Do You Use Music or Does Music Use You?

I was talking with someone the other day as he described the impact music sometimes had on him. He has a history of liking pretty heavy music and was noticing that when he played it he would find himself getting frustrated or angry.


Our conversation continued as we explored some of what was going on and whether or not that anger was already there or if it was something the music brought on independently.


It was quite an interesting to try and figure out if when he was “in the mood for hard music” it was because of underlying anger or simply a mood.


I know that there are times where I will be skimming through radio stations as a drive and say to myself “not in the mood for that” but I also notice that different music can have different impacts on my mood and state of mind. This past lent season I decided to do something different, I chose to give up all music that wasn’t “Christian” content. It didn’t matter if the music was neutral or even if it has a good message, if it didn’t include Jesus on some level I didn’t listen to it.


The results were, that even when I wasn’t “in the mood” for that kind of music, putting it on would direct my thoughts and often calm my spirit.


Even before this experience I noticed that I would occasionally put music on when I was already in a state of anger, and I would put it on with the intention of letting off steam. Usually though, this only added to the steam, it didn’t actually release very much of it.


I realised that allowing my mood to determine what I listen to was like letting the music control me, allowing it to determine how I would feel and allow it to foster my feelings for good or for bad, whatever those feelings might be.


You may be thinking that this isn’t so bad right? Like what if I’m in a romantic mood and choose love songs and find myself more loving and kind to my wife when I get home? That can’t possibly be bad could it?


No, I don’t think it is, but there is a flip side to that. What if I’m frustrated and I put on heavier music on the way home from work? My intentional may be to let off steam, but realistically I walk through the door still wound up and frustrated, which in turn causes me to take some of that frustration out on my family.


I believe that we are entirely capable of determining our mood and attitude if we only choose to pick music based on the mood we WANT to be in rather than the one we are in.


What if, instead of allowing music to determine our mood, or our mood to determine our music, which in turn controls our mood – we choose music based on the mood we knew we needed to have and are choosing to have in that moment?


Its kind of the same thing as obedience when it comes to our children. They could “choose” to disobey because they don’t feel like doing what they have been asked, or they could choose to obey because they know its best and they know what the results will be.


The option is yours, move ahead and let music control you or use music as a tool to determine your direction, the state of your mind and body and essentially your mental and emotional health.